All the sudden I’m into asian girls.
All the sudden I’m into asian girls.
Turn around. Turn around see how much you have accomplished. All your blessings. All your hardships. Turn around and see that roller coaster of a life you have. The ups, the downs. And you’re still alive. You haven’t accidentally killed yourself or anyone for that matter… at least not just yet. Your parents are proud of you. People look up to you. Your glow changes the mood of everyone all around you. You are a very special person. Keep your chin up with your down and make sure to enjoy the time when you’re up. Everything happens for a reason. Keep working hard. Because the work you put in always adds up to success.
I look at all these couples and I wonder if I deserve to have something like that.
Women. It’s a common consensus that they are attracted to a man of success. Of wealth. Of the highest rank. Good looks too. Why? Why why why. Because years and years of evolution. Natural selection. They say it’s because those traits foster a man of character and a good father. And biologically will birth a more superior human. Blah blah blah. But I think these days the ancestral archaic reason why a woman selected a man has been perverted. Cut that connection between a successful man and a good man. You see a man in a suit and you marry him. You get divorced because he wasn’t a good man. 50% they say. 50% is the divorce rate here. But everyone shoves that number under the rug and pretends everything’s sunshine and flowers. Natural selection doesn’t apply to humans anymore. We are fostering smart assholes. There has been a rise in douchbags among the u.s. Population. Maybe I’m one of them. But one things for certain. I’m not settling for just any girl that’ll go to bed with me. I’d rather be alone than paying 50% of my paycheck to a bitch that doesn’t even give a shit about me and my kids who’d rather be with their mother because that same apathy will filter through to her raising her kids. Then we got a whole new fucked up generation. Meanwhile, I’ll be alone in my shithole apartment, choking down cheap scotch till I knock out, wake up and repeat cuz my life’s so shitty. No I’d rather be alone. No kids. No ex. Just leave me to my own device. If I ever find a woman who doesn’t fall for that kinda bullshit, I’d have won the lotto cuz it’s a 1 in a million chance and love her until the end of time. But life’s not always that fairy tale ending. I can only hope
Had another 1 weeker. She was nice. Just wanted too much too soon I suppose. Beautiful. Gorgeous body. I really enjoyed my time with her. Sitting on the porch, watching the stars, joking around about random things. One thing she told me that has burned into the back of my frontal lobe is that the first time we had sex, she said I “fuck”. Opposed to making love. And it makes me wonder. Have I gotten so disconnected with that side of me? The romance, the love, the spiritual connection. Have I blocked it off…severed the connection? Ever since Arlene, I’ve desperately tried, going from girl to girl to feel it again. And I don’t know if its there anymore.
I think it more wise to live a life alone than to waste someone else’s with one’s apathy and disinterest.
I thought things like this get better with time..
I’d rather be in the mountains thinking of god than in church thinking of the mountains.
I train for war. But I practice peace.
It’s break time from my CCIP. I feel inspired. I love learning. Especially when it’s to better patient care. It makes me feel accomplished. I sit outside. The rolling sounds of the freeway nearby almost sound like a crowd cheering. A comforting sound. I look up at the trees and feel the breeze glide through every inch of my body. This chilling feeling and the rustling of the leaves leaves me nostalgic. I reminisce about my childhood. About japan. And the way I viewed nature. How I’d pay articulate attention to the shape and color of the leaves. How I looked up at the sky. How I take deep breathes and feel thankful for the air around me. It makes me feel good. It revitalizes my spiritual energy. It brings a certain inner peace. All I feel is thankful of the opportunities bestowed upon me and how blessed my life is. Thank you is all I can say right now.